A Hog.

So let’s be honest, with the success of my last post, 3 Instruments You Aren’t Cool Enough To Play I was kind of intimidated about creating a new post. After all, this post sucks. You can already tell that because there’s no witty title (or is there), there’s no sarcastic humor (or is there), and most importantly, there are no lists.  However, I’ve come to terms with my forseen lack of sucess and your lack of support, so I’ve resorted to self pitty and reverse psychology.

Whatever you do, DO NOT REGISTER YOURSELF VIA THE LINK TO THE RIGHT. I urge you not to, because then I’d be able to keep in contact with you. I might be able to email you when a new post comes out (which you would likely not enjoy), and I might be able to offer you free things via silly contests that I am sure none of you would partake in. Now that I didn’t get that off my chest, it’s on to the next topic.

The internet is fickle. I bolded that because half of you won’t read all these small words. You just want to see big funny, and pictures. I bet if you were reading this far, you were expecting an interesting story to be told, something pertaining to the picture of a hog feeding. Well I apologize, as the hog feeding has absolutely nothing to do at all with what I am posting. It was to prove a point, that you may not be here had you not been wondering what the hell that hog was doing. This brings me to the focal point of this topic.

How to create a successful blog by taking advantage of the nature of the internet.

1. List everything. People love numbers. I don’t know why. They’re just magically attracted to titles such as “3 Things You Should Never Place Underneath a Neighbor’s Car.” If you treated them like they were respectable adults who could keep count of your worthy advice on their own, they would leave you. Leave you. Like cold, heartless, self-orphaning orphans.
2. Put lots of shiny pictures. Ok they don’t have to be shiny, but it’s a plus. The best way to keep a person with ADHD reading your article is to riddle it with puzzling pictures, and then explain the pictures after you’ve said everything you wanted to say. People surfing through blogs are either searching for something useful, or funny. If you aren’t smart, and you don’t have the funny, then you must puzzle them. Write an article about the war of 1812 and riddle it with pictures of Donald Duck (if that isn’t a copywright issue. cough.), or your own hand drawn renditions of this loveable Disney creation, and they’ll listen. They’ll may hate you afterwards, and lose sleep over your improbable complexities, but they’ll pass history.
3. Give them something to click. Enter Dasfo, the loveable hamster. I realized that the majority of things to do on my page are reading and clicking links. I don’t have any super fun games or anything, so instead I’m going to let people click on my loveable hamster buddy, and feed him or make him exercise before he gets the chance to digest his food. Be considerate. Bottom line? People love clicky things. They like games, because they get to click and it’s amusing, so put some on your site. After all, if you don’t provide the clicky games, people will leave in search of them, so just give it to them before they can get bored.

5. Give them something to complain about. Before you freak out and care about commenting, I skipped the number 4 on purpose. If you screw something up, or write something absurdly selfish or opinionated in such a manner as to provoke a response from internet people, they will fight back. There are two classes of internet people, the good, and the not good. The not good people will harass you and call you stupid, denouncing your opinion and stating random useless facts at any chance they can. Often times instead of the aforementioned they will just assault you with curse words and poorly constructed sentences, double whammied with a lack of, or unnecessary, punctuation. If you so much as slightly hint at tolerating homosexuality, you are guaranteed a visit from the token belligerent religious activist who will undoubtedly invoke the powerful, and not slightly ignorant or humiliating phrase, “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” Enter the people who will argue to the death and defend you. They will cite your work as if it were a godsend in order to smite down the infidels who created an immature post, and fouled the sanctity of your immortal blog. They will use big words correctly, thus destroying comic relief until the argument continues. These are not the good internet people. They are annoying as well and care entirely too much about electronic media. After all do you think that bloggers really care about their own content? Hah. Good internet users are the people who silently watch and chuckle at blogs, click on Google Ads, and send their payment promptly after completing bids on eBay.

1. Be Redundant Redundant. Internet people are on the internet for only a handful of reasons. One of those is to laugh at pictures of cats. One of those is to laugh at FAIL pictures. Perhaps the reason for a dignified internet surfer would be to seek out open source software. Whatever their needs may be, Google the solution, copy it into notepad, and change the order (the words too if you’re over ambitious.) Internet people love redundancy redundancy. They like to see the same pictures 5000 times, but only if they’re in large collections. They love to be told the same jokes as that other website they love. They love to learn about the same free software they already have installed on their computer. Plain and simple, if you’re unique, you’re looking at about maybe 30 unique visitors a month. Post a picture of a mock motivational poster off the first page of Google Images, and you’re in the thousands. thousands.
2. Blog about conceptual things that don’t exist yet, but pretend like it’s already changing the world. Make sure you write about cars that get 2314124 mpg, but are currently only computer models. This way you beat everyone to the chase. Internet people are snobs. They want to be the first to tell everyone about the thing they saw on the internet that you don’t have. If you don’t know of any innovative conceptual technology, make it up. “This just in, rumor says Sony is set to release a tv that runs off the energy from old paper plates, via a paper plate compost container attached to the set.” Now just photoshop a picture of a really expensive tv that you haven’t seen before because you can’t afford it onto a paper shredder and you’re the new hot topic that people will love to debate about. You’re the going green blog. You’re a hit.
3. Go Green. You don’t have to go green personally. Just write about it. Keep them in front of the computer for as long as they can wasting valuable electricity and destroying the environment with no regard so that you can talk about green things. Just google the word green every once in a while and copy and paste an article onto your blog. Google will hate you, social networking sites will love you, which do you care for more? People love saving the environment. Heck, pledge to plant a tree for every visitor to your site, and take a picture of a forest. Then resist the urge to hack all of your arborial friends into paper. It’s pretty much the same.

That should be enough hints for you to successfully start your own Dasfo. It’s late. It’s snowing, and I’m going to go watch this hamster do cute things. Goodbye for now Dasfo.

Sackbutt

Sack + Butt = Trombone

Speaking of inmates, we’ll start with the Sackbutt. Yeah, I heard you chuckle. That’s right, it’s an instrument that combines a sack, and a butt, into the most flamingly homosexual display of a prehistoric trombone that sends even the most comfortable heteros packing.

The true sack and butt come from this instrument’s soul, since only the most perverted of minds could derive the image of a sack and a butt from the shape of a trombone. This instrument dates back to renaissance times, where players would blow their sackbutt all night long for dances. This only proves that musicians have been getting some from playing at parties since the dawn of time, because no self-loving man could possbily wake in the morning and wish to play an instrument with the name sackbutt in front of a group of hot babes unless he was getting more than the rest of his shawm-playing friends.

Hurdy Gurdy

Are you cool enough to hurdy gurdy?

Someone set out to make the most embarrassing instrument ever. They took the annoying elements of a bagpipe, and effectively glued some wood and metal onto a violin in order to make a bagpipe-keyboard-violin-machine, which they topped off with the dignified and respectful name “Hurdy Gurdy.”

Anti-babe magnet: “Hi, I play the hurdy gurdy.”

Babe magnet: Playing the hurdy gurdy, and not getting laughed at.

The above presents the distinction between someone who plays the hurdy gurdy, and a hurdy gurdy player. If you can play the hurdy gurdy without getting some chuckles or having sharp objects hurled at you, you have truly become a master of the School of Badass, and will live for eternity on Mount Olympus playing the hurdy gurdy for Aphrodite when you die.

Anaconda

My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns hun.

Overcompensating? Perhaps. Phallic symbol? Definitely. But if you are cool enough to play this instrument, call me collect, and I will buy a plane ticket to fly out and see you not humiliate yourself. It looks like a giant snake, oddly enough, and basically combines the lameness of a euphonium with the undesirable elements of a bassoon into something that possibly makes up for its sound with it’s name. Even the smaller version of this instrument is known as a “serpent.”

You say damn, I wish I could play a snake. Better yet, a snake twice the size of my body wrapped around me.

I say here, blow on my anaconda.

If you can pull off a number on this instrument, you have enough coolness to make Louis Armstrong curl up into fetal position and cry for his musical mommy. Hot babes will literally be crawling all over your giant anaconda every night. The Apocalypse will ensue. And snakes will run scared if you ever happen to be playing music infront of an audience of snakes. The bottom line is that there was only one man ever cool enough to play this instrument and his name is Andrew van der Beek. I don’t have a picture of him, but we have a guy who wishes he was cool enough to play the anaconda. He isn’t, and neither are you, so please leave it to Drew.

Dasfo Pong

We also received word from the committee. It’s official. Beer Pong is now to be called Dasfo Pong.

So after a few good rounds of Dasfo Pong, I’ve decided to add a few generals to the Dasfo Army. And by a few I mean one. I’ll get him on here in a few days, but that will be more interesting when it actually exists.

The other day someone told me they wished flying cars existed already. I told him they did. Funny thing though, we call them “Plane.”

Anyway. This post is dedicated to everyone who still remembers the fact that they tried to make the Geico Cavemen into a sitcom. Oh we are fickle people indeed America. Fickle.

Since no one wanted to comment on the darn articles before I’m calling off the contests before this. And we’re officially putting the war on Google on hold. We just don’t have the men. Haven’t any of you seen Gladiator?

For the Glory of Dasfo…

Anyway. I think the problem with America currently is that they are too much Rome. We’re all fat and lazy from all the awesome stuff we import from other countries, and we don’t want to conquer anything anymore. I think we need to do something righteous again. I mean, we’ve saved people in world wars, we pretend Cuba doesn’t exist, we go terrorism hunting during terrorist season, but we haven’t really conquered anything. Or done something the equivalent. We have freedom. Woop De Doo.

Let’s build something really awesome in an obscure place for no other reason than the fact that we can scrape the money together for it. Let’s build a floating statue and sail it around the world. I for one, cannot swim.

Which brings me to my next Dasfo goal. We, the DASFO Nation (caps this time), will build a pirate ship out of used soda bottles. I kid you not. Shall we list it?

New Goal:

• Build a pirate ship out of old soda bottles.

For those of you who doubt Dasfo, and our ambitions, asking how will we make something so awesome? I will work on the answer. And you will feel like a fool.

In the meantime if you have any pirate ship plans or ideas about how to set about starting this project, email Admin at Dasfo dot Com.

Well until next post, next competition, enjoy your life, and enjoy many games of Dasfo Pong.

But that’s really not our focus right now. What I want to bring to your attention is that we just broke 450 unique visitors, and that today’s posts have been combined in the interest of time.

I write this as I eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. No one cares. But back to what I was saying. I have to work soon, so today’s posts have been condensed, and there may or may not be a Stupidities for today. Anyway. There is a new contest, that in case you missed in my post about pirate games, where only one of you will win a month of access to GameTap. Sweet eh? Check that out.

Anyway. I need someone to take on these other challenges so I can give away some cool stuff. Plus, I’m thinking about redoing the homepage. I dunno if this theme will last much longer. I don’t know how you feel about it. I just felt the tree was appropriate.

Appropriate for what?

I don’t even know. In other news, I am going to sand the finish off of my guitar. I will make a few posts out of that. If it’s awesome enough, maybe I’ll sign it and auction it off on eBay to raise money. For another guitar that is. I can’t be guitarless. Anyway.

Tomorrow is going to be Music Day. All posts will have something to do with music. Perhaps I’ll hook you guys up with some sweet links to sweet musical instruments for all of you who are thinking about learning guitar. I know of a cool guy with a sweet website that will teach you to play. It’s helped me a lot.

Today’s short posts will draw to an end, but if you have a request for a themed day you’d like to see come up, then just comment. I’ll see what I can do. Maybe a pirate day?

Whatever.

Now pirates? I love pirates, so this caught my eye. It’s a game called Tropico II: Pirate Cove. The best thing about this game is that it’s chill. Like you. It’s also geared more for the older teen/adult graphic, which doesn’t happen much in games that aren’t full of gore.

What you want to do in the game is build a successful pirate cove that shovels out ships, cutlasses, grub, beer, and offers gambling and wenching to keep pirates happy. Then there is the captive population, your enslaved workers who will escape if you don’t give them enough corn slop or shacks to sleep in.

The game offers a campaign mode, which is sweet for everyone who gets tired of simulator games without a point. You follow the story of a pirate who was held captive and escaped to a cove, etc. Then there is sandbox mode, where you get to build your own cove without rules, and try to make it freaking sweet.

The game is pretty cool in that it offers a slightly demented pirate humor to everything. This may make it a bit unfit for little kids, but it’s amusing to read the character’s thoughts sometimes. Wenches think “Let me go!” while in the wench house, while occasionally you’ll find a lumberjack thinking “Did I lose a limb somewhere?”

The game is for PC, and there is a mac version out there too, but the reason I stumbled across this is that it was part of the GameTap line up. If you haven’t heard of GameTap, they let you download around 900 games in their directory just for a small membership fee. Tropico 2 is one of the games they offer, as well as the original Tropico. Anyway. It’s pretty sweet, so I’m going to give a chance for one of you to try it for 30 days.

That’s right. 30 Days, for free, try GameTap and check out Tropico 2

What you have to do:

• Register for the DASFO Army so you can login in and comment.

• Comment with a link to a video of yourself saying “I love DASFO.com and you do too!” And make sure you point at the end. So we know who you is.

That’s all. First person gets 30 days free. Everyone else, the link is up above. Gotta buy it.

Drag Auburn Shaded Fish Over

Aside from that, I think this is when my brain works best. That is, because it seems to get more focused on goals. Or so I like to think.

This section of my blog is called “The Mission.” It’s where I put my general blog… things, that have to do with achieving my mission of an internet radio station. Awesome. Well it occurred to me recently that this blog has kind of taken a turn for the unorganized.

Crap, I thought. The solution?

I’m going to work on the blog as if it were a radio broadcast. First we’re going to start off with these segments, The Mission, as I explained, Challenges, where you can complete my silly yet fun challenges for free prizes, Stupidities, where I find something stupid and write about how stupid it is for you to see, and Cool Stuff, which is of course, where I put cool stuff that I’m promoting. This happens to be awesome for both of us because not only do you find out about cool stuff, but I get a percentage of the proceeds if you decide these things are cool enough to buy. Therefore, radio station = closer.

I still need to buy a bike as well. Anyway.

All I can urge you to do now is, if you like my blog, go out and tell your friends. Say, “Hey friends, have you heard of the famous blogger Zac Rahm and his blog, DASFO.com?” They will say, “No Todd, I haven’t. Please link me!” At which point you link them. Or else.

The other best thing to do? Join the army. No, not the US Army. You can do that if you wish, but join the DASFO Army by registering with the link to your right. It not only lets me keep in touch with you via email to give you updates on all my awesome junk, but it at least lets me know that you’re with me. The more users, the closer to radio. I hope you want radio as much as I do.

The other other best thing you should do? Participate in my challenges. In case you missed them, they’re linked here, where you can find all previous, ongoing, and future challenges. Think about it. You do something silly or make a video or a… I dunno, calendar, and get a free pack of cards. Or a t-shirt. It’s something cool to tell your friends. So don’t be lame. Only I’m allowed to be lame.

Bigger prizes will come soon if you guys step up to the plate and participate. Trust me. It’s gonna be a blast.

Anyway. We’re at almost 300 unique visitors. That’s a pretty good start I believe. The problem is that I can’t guarantee anyone will come back. So, if you don’t come back, you’re stupid. And you’ll go under the stupidities section one day when I find you. Gr.

If you have a blog, and would like to do the whole, you know. Let’s blog together thing, I’m in. Heck. Any advertisement propositions will probably be accepted. We’re just getting going. It’s been 2 days and 300 people. That’s 300 people who could’ve seen your ads. Don’t fall behind. Oh. And what’s with the whole, shyness thing?

Grow a spine! Comment me. No one has anything to say after reading my posts? If you think they’re retarded, say it. If you’ve enjoyed it, say it. If you want me to eat a sandwich that actually has sand in it, say it. We’ll work something out, but this is like a conversation at a deaf convention.

Oh. Quick question.

Do you have an indie band? Need help with publicity?

I used to run a music interview site, and I play guitar myself, so give me a quick comment and I’ll email you back if you would like to set up an interview. We’ll do a full bio of your band, and keep updates as long as you keep in touch with us.

Anyway. I will check back tomorrow. This blog had better be reaming with comments and exploding from excitement. I want some members in our Army. Maybe I’ll give you guys something cool. Like custom profiles and a forum or something. I’ll look into.

Drag Awkward Snakes Forward Only

However, I think this website I’m about to show you is pretty darn stupid. It’s called Kukuklok, which is a name better fit for a white supremacy clock company than an avid internet alarm enthusiast’s adventure.

The point of the website? It does what an alarm clock does. You set the time for it to wake you up, and pick one of the 4 horrible noises, and it goes off when you set it for. It even stays functional if your internet dies.

…

Wow. Seriously?

For one, if you sleep with your computer on, you’re wasting valuable energy which is going to rack up your bill and steal it from other deserving people on your power grid. No wonder California has so many power problems. It’s probably because their immense population all wake up with the Klu Klux Klok. Turn off your computer when you sleep. Yeah, your Limewire downloads will have to restart in the morning, but I promise you will survive. Energy efficiency is good.

Second, if you can afford a computer, you should be able to afford an alarm clock. If you’re traveling, and you manage to lug around a computer, you should be able to lug around a tiny little alarm clock. Or a wristwatch. They’re less than $10 and they make beeping noises when you want them. No they don’t make pathetic guitar noises, or the sound of “Electronic” ( At least now we know what “Electronic” sounds like ), but you will wake up. I bet you even have a cell phone. Then there’s no need for a clock even.

Finally, what is this guy getting at? What’s the point? Does anyone really wake up to this thing? He’s wasting bandwidth and server space on something that people think is a good idea on the surface, but fail to reach deeper down and discover the stupidity of this idea. He’s not serving up ads. He’s just an idiot, for thinking that the internet needs something like this. Sorry for the anger. But, the internet has limitations. Your car is not a shaver. You can’t wash yourself with a cell phone. It’s the same kind of concept. Heck. At least let us download your clock, since you need to access it via internet to let it load. Make it into a Vista Widget, which is equally as useless but at least more practical.

Whatever. This clock is the reason why DASFO is launching it’s endorsement for alarm clocks that don’t require internet access.

That’s right folks! You read correctly. Introducing an alarm clock that doesn’t even need the internet!

Wow Zac, sounds awesome. How does it work?

Well eager prospective customer, you simply buy one, put some batteries in it, set the time you want to wake up, and it will make a noise when that time comes that will possibly wake you up.

That really is great Zac, where can I get one?

Right here. For an unlimited time, DASFO is bringing you alarm clocks that aren’t stupid! That’s right. We’ve got actual alarm clocks for you to buy from Amazon.com that make excellent gifts for anyone who ever thought the online clock was the greatest thing since sliced bread. They wake you up on time, and they stay functional even if your computer implodes while you sleep.

We’ve got for your shopping pleasure, a spiffy Sony alarm clock that looks cool, and is cheap too. As well as a Dinosaur alarm clock. Look. It doesn’t get better than that. Or does it? A Darth Vader alarm clock? Wow. And even one of those fancy wristwatch things I was talking about earlier. Amazing. But wait, we’ve held back our secret weapon. Or rather, our Sonic Bomb weapon/clock. Not only does this thing explode your ear drums with 113 db of adjustable volume, it shakes your bed.

Now take that, chew it off, and suck on it Kukuklok. We’ve just one upped you, and we didn’t even have to make one. Happy clocking.

Luke, I am your alarm clock.

Fear not, you don’t need a horse to do this, but you might want a house, with an internet connection. I’m talking about you making money from filling out surveys at Paid Surveys Etc. This is of course, what it sounds like. You sign up for their program, and they will give you a list of places that will pay you to fill our surveys. They’re also throwing in some info about how to make a money making blog with affiliates and whatnot. Sounds quite ironic that I’m advertising that eh?

Let me tell you something I’ve learned about being in the internet business. People get paid to take surveys because like this website tells you, big companies need to stay competitive and learn more about their users. Internet businesses do that with email marketing and whatnot, big companies do that with online surveys and paper surveys. You’re opinion is what fuels a company’s profits, so it’s gold to them. It’s the same concept as the back of a Burger King receipt, where you can fill out the survey for a free Whopper. Only with cash, not burgers.

Also, it’s that anyone with motivation can make money on the web. The internet is profitable, but not just everyone can jump on their keyboard and make tons of money. Otherwise everyone would be rich. You have to know where to go, and how to do it. That’s learned by either tons of trial and error, or learning from someone who’s been there before. That’s what this website is offering you. They’re going to teach you how you can make money from online surveys for less than $50, and they’re going to throw in some extra stuff that might interest you as well. Take a look at it, and good luck.

By the way…

Check out the testimonials, and there’s a guy who looks like Keanu Reeves. You tell me which one I’m talking about. ; )

So I checked my number of visitors since this blog went online yesterday. Yeah. I can do that. And there’s been exactly 100 unique visitors. Not bad, I’d say. Someone even Google searched “dasfo.” I’m not sure why, but this brings me to realize that I’ve got two important topics for you today. Let me bullet.

Table of Contents

1. Google is the supreme overlord of the internet. Therefore, they are DASFO’s sworn enemy.
2. We’re going to give away something. To start off the new year. We should start a calendar according to DASFO. Brilliant.

So, Google is the supreme overlord of the internet. How can we rival them?

A friendly rivalry of course, Google. So don’t get your search panties in a bunch. But from here on, I am recruiting you, you reading my blog, as part of the DASFO Army.

An army you say? You are interested now. As part of the army, which you will be able to sign up for on the right sidebar some time after this post, I will send you emails with all of the stupid yet amusing contests I happen to come up with. That way, you’ll never be far from contact, and it’s like an instant draft whenever I feel like it. Notice this means I am the President.

Notice: I am the President.

To Do List Update:

• Apply for DASFO.com to become a country, of which I am the president

We’ll see how that one goes over with the UN. Anyway. What I NEED you all to do, in order to start combating the evil forces of Google (they’re evil now), is to search for the word DASFO. Just like that. You’ll find the link to here. It’s quite humorous I’d say, since they happened to index this site before I put anything cool on it. Try it, and you’ll figure out what I mean. Or just click here to see it if you’re lame.

My point? I want people to search for the word dasfo enough that I can contact Google and demand that they immediately remove the suggestion that the user meant to type in the word “dasafo,” which appears at the top of the page every time you’ll search for dasfo. What the hell is “dasafo?” Don’t comment and tell me. I don’t care.

My other point? Google is slowly taking over the internet, and we’re going to take it back. We’re going to do this with T-Shirts, by next week hopefully, and by searching for the greatest word on Earth. Dasfo. I coined it. But back to the shirts.

The shirts? The challenge.

Uncle Dasfo wants you to upload a video to YouTube, and comment the link here, along with your email address so we can contact you to get your address. The video must be a video of you DESTROYING GOOGLE, in whatever creative way you can, and then saying “I love DASFO.com, and you do too.” Everyone who sends in a video is going to get a T-Shirt to commemorate the event, and let everyone else in the world know that you destroyed Google.

*Important* I am not a terrorist, and I don’t want you to be one, so don’t do anything stupid. Any video harming or endangering others won’t be recognized. We Don’t actually want you to destroy google. Build a Google pinata, make a wooden Google, and set it on fire. Even better, make a paper mache Google, set it on a raft, cast it into a lake, and shoot flaming arrows at it. Build a dirt Google and crush into the ground. Or something. You get the gist? This is meant to be a fun contest, and Dasfo.com, nor it’s owner is responsible for any dumb thing you do that hurts someone or something, and gets you in trouble. You’ve been warned, now go out soldier, and show us what you’re made of.

Anyway. That’s your first challenge ever. Bet you haven’t been challenged lately. Well now you have. Don’t let us down. DASFO! On to the second topic.

Crap.

We’ll this is your second challenge, since I just accidentally gave you your first Dasfo challenge. For the second challenge, I want you to make a Dasfo calendar. Send us a picture of it. Or if it’s electronic, then send us the whole calendar. I know some of you guys are good with Flash, or make Widgets and stuff. Make an awesome Dasfo calendar for the web, and I will use it on the website. If not, a good picture is worth a thousand Dasfo’s.

What will you win? You, of course, Will win a pack of cards, if you come in the top 3 most awesome Dasfo calendars as chosen by me. A nice pack of cards, so be sure to include an active email address with your entry, so if you win, you’ll get your cards. Losers, as we call them here, will still get their picture featured on a page somewhere here, and you can tell all you’re friends that a famous blogger (Zac Rahm) made you famous.

You can enter your calendar contest entries here. Please don’t comment them here, as I’m already using that for the Google contest. For the love of Pete (don’t care if you don’t know him), don’t send in Google contest stuff here. Go back up and read, soldier.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Got it? Calendar = Pack of Cards. Creatively destroying Google = Awesome T-Shirt.

Anyway. This, folks, is only the start of an awesome time. I won’t beg, but please, please, please, bookmark this page, send it to your friends, and of course, tell them I’m famous. Ya’ll come back now you here? It’s gonna be sweet.

Beautiful. I find that beautiful is the only word I can ever think of with three vowels in a row. I bet there’s a bunch. Whatever. Comment them.

So what the hell am I doing with this site?

I’m not going to lie. I think blogs are pretty lame. I guess that’s why one is perfect for me. (sadface). Anyway. I had the idea, while I was cooking my frozen french bread pizza, that I would like to be a radio personality. You know, the funny jerk on the radio in the morning who has people call in, and they talk about ridiculous things and everyone gets to laugh a bit while they go to work. But in reality you’re kind of wishing that they would just play music over most of them.

Anyway. I realized that I don’t have enough money to do that. Or a radio station. Crap, I thought. BUT! I do happen to be a web developer. Soo, I made a lame blog instead. My mission is to use this blog to raise enough money to run my own internet radio station.

I will repeat. With bullets for clarity.

Mission:

• Raise enough money to fund an internet radio station
• Raise enough money to buy a silver bicycle with some sweet shocks on it

I’m fairly certain the list will expand with time. In the mean time, I am going to attempt to amuse everyone with just type. Lame, I know, but stick with me, and I’ll buy a nice server to let me broadcast live where you can listen to a live show, call in via Skype or something to talk, and it will be dandy. I’ll even record the old shows and put them up for you to download or something and listen when you’re really bored. What if I put my first 10 shows on an iPod, held a contest, and gave the iPod to the winner. Epiphany.

To Do List:

• Buy iPod
• Record at least 10 internet radio broadcasts that are super awesome
• Put them on iPod
• Give away iPod

Alright. We are getting somewhere. I want to pause for a brief moment to contemplate something. Why, oh why does Coke still sell Coca Cola in glass bottles, and charge you pretty much the same price, for less soda, in less (but glass) bottle? Don’t get me wrong. Glass is freaking sweet. I’m just a thirsty guy.

Thoughts on the design of this blog err… textual broadcast

So I’ve been looking through the themes on http://Themes.Wordpress.net, and they may as well have a little extra checkbox on the side to help narrow your search. It should specify between Ugly and Not That Bad. I realize I’m getting something for nothing, but really? Some of these just jump off of the page and rape my eyeballs. When I’m done using echolocation to find the X button on my browser to escape the horrible ocular assault, I could’ve just made my own damn theme. Did I mention I’m a web developer? Oh. And I rock with Photoshop. I’m even better than you. Believe it. I just take pleasure in being lazy, and picking someone else’s theme that I feel might be the closest representation of something I actually wanted my blog to sort of look like. Homework!

Find a ridiculously cool theme that’s free, and comment with the link. I’ll use it.

Until I find something awesome, I’m going to keep switching them up. So get ready. You might need handlebars or something for your office chair because it’s going to be awesome.

I didn’t lie. This whole thing, it’s going to be awesome. I hope. After all, you’re reading a post from an awesome guy. My name is Zac Rahm, by the way, and in case you’ve never heard of me, I’m a famous blogger. What? You say you’ve never heard of a famous blogger with that name? Well you’re slacking. Go tell everyone how awesome this blog is, and how famous I am.

Now to address my final point for this post.

What the hell is DASFO?

It’s not even a word. It’s just some letters that were free to register. It was only 5 of them long. I know. You want it. Well, I’m just going to make due. I’m gonna put a sweet quote thing on here or something where you can send in your own acronyms and I’ll set it to cycle through them. Or something. Trust me, it’s gonna be sweet. Until then…

Don’t Ask Strangers For Olives